I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
