its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
