Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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