Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
