you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
