Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
