I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
