I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
