we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
