Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
