I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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