come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
