Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
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That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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