i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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