so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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