I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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