May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
