Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
