I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
