yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
