I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
