i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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