Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
