just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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