sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
