Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
