this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Randomize
