nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
