Where is the hickey?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
