I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
