Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
third nipple confirmed
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
