I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
