I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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