Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
