What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
