AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
