Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
