found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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