Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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