Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
