You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
