Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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