our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
