Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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