our cab driver is having phone sex.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize