we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm really busy with my period
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