shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
