In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
