3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
