You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We are all done wearing pants today
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
