im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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