i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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