im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
