I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
