I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
