you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
