So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
