I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
