Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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