She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
