Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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