I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
