well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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