i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
