Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
