someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
