Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
