Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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