So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Still dying that you shit outside
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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