If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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