I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
