wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Is it because I queefed?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I want to be your penis for a week.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
