where am i from again
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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