You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
