OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
