Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize