I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
