does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
