I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize