whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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